babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
