Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize