is your mom at the bar?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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