Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.

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(516): View more from New York

This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

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(907): View more from Alaska

You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you

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(443): View more from Maryland

He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.

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(310): View more from California

We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease

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