he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
