I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning