i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.