Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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