I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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