I smell stomach acid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
