its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
