those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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