guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
