very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
