He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
