She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
