You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we're making bets on your personal life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
