PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
