you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
