do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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