im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
