apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
