when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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