i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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