the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
