you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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