i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
