i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
