I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
