id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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