don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
