The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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