I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
