I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
