i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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