last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
