i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
