If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
