did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize