Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize