i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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