oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how can u be prego again
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
