He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found the puke drawer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
