I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
