i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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