If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
