Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
