i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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