You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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