omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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