Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
