today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
