Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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