The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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