He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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