my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
