around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
