goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
