I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
