She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
