just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
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he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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