His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
