Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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