Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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