Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
