he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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