There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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