Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
