call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
