guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
