my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
