hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
