I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
