Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
