I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Mom said you looked used
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
