Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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