Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
