kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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