Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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