everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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