i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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