dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
