I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize