dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
